Harvey Keitel is a fairly handsome leading man. He’s no 1964 – 1989 Sean Connery, and some might even say he’s an acquired taste. Few would disagree that he has a rugged manly look that commands a movie screen. Still, here are 8 General Authorities who would give Mr. Keitel a run for his money.
1. Elder Hugo E. Martinez
Harvey Keitel was almost perfect in Scorsese’s Mean Streets. But he clearly doesn’t hold a candle to the quietly handsome Elder Martinez.
2. Elder Kazuhiko Yamashita
Who could forget Harvey Keitel as the detestable pimp Matthew “Sport” Higgins in Scorsese’s unforgettable Taxi Driver? Even as an antagonist we must reluctantly admit a certain attractiveness. Still, he pales in comparison Elder Yamashita’s graceful and prepossessing masculine features.
3. Elder David A. Bednar
Harvey Keitel’s performance in Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs was a hurricane of theatrical intensity. And it didn’t hurt that he looked good in the role as well. Though Elder Bednar almost certainly has never even heard of Reservoir Dogs, much less seen it, his confident, unaware handsomeness blows “Mr. White” out of the water. It’s not even close.
4. Elder Ronald E. Rasband
Harvey Keitel completely sold us as a romantic lead as Holly Hunter’s seductive lover in The Piano. But then then we saw Elder Rasband speak for the first time in the October 2000 General Conference and we almost lost our minds. Sorry, Harvey. It was a worthy effort, nonetheless.
5. Elder S. Gifford Nielsen
Harvey Keitel was a national treasure in National Treasure, with a stand-out performance as FBI Agent Sadusky. But Elder Nielsen played college and professional football, and he clearly hasn’t lost those quarterback good looks. We think even Harvey would have to concede Elder Nielsen’s clear physical superiority.
6. Elder Patrick Kearon
In From Dusk Til Dawn, Harvey Keitel plays a formidably handsome pastor experiencing a faith crisis who is forced to fight for his life against a group of vampires. However, Elder Kearon’s natural good looks–and, especially, that British accent–seem to make faith crises much more manageable. Definitely a winner over Harvey Keitel.
7. Elder Dallin H. Oaks
Harvey Keitel utterly commanded the screen as Winston Wolf in Pulp Fiction, but his performance withers next to virtually any time Elder Oaks speaks from the pulpit. A virtual oak tree of intimidating, merciless masculinity, Elder Oaks towers over Harvey’s still imposing role as a crime scene cleaner for the mob. Simply stunning.
8. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Poor Harvey Keitel. It doesn’t matter which of his masterful and manly roles we mention here, none of them can even stand beside the mere smile of President Uchtdorf. There is not a cell of President Uchtdorf’s body that is not handsome, not even in the sebaceous glands. You knew he would be on this last, nay, that he would utterly own this list with a silver fist. And you were right. We salute the impossible handsomeness of President Uchtdorf. And say to a dejected Harvey Keitel that it can’t really be a competition in which you were utterly annihilated unless you were a competitor in the first place.
But it’s still okay to cry.