World Council Against Families To Hold Annual Meeting in Salt Lake City

For the first time in history, the annual meeting of the World Council Against Families will be held at the same time and place as the annual meeting of the World Congress of Families.

“Normally, we don’t like holding our meetings anywhere near families or organizations that support families,” said High Priest of Eternal Darkness and Chief Destroyer of Light, Peter Breckenmeyer, leader of the WCAF. “But we had already booked this venue three years ago, and when we found out the WCF was also going to be in Salt Lake, it was too late to change locations.”

“Besides, it will be a good opportunity to heckle and verbally assault families to their faces,” he added.

The World Council Against Families is a multi-ethnic coalition of people from all over the world determined to destroy families. Their motto is, Eternal hatred for one’s own parents, siblings, children, and extended relatives. 

Blood Priestess of Pitiful Self-Loathing and Vice-Chieftain of Vice, Rebecca Jensen, was quick to point out that Anti-Familites (as they are informally known) have no wish to engage in violence of any kind; they simply wish to destroy the family utterly, even on a subatomic level, should that be possible. “The last thing we want is to physically hurt individual human beings in any way. But the idea of families has to go, screaming and thrashing in the death throes of agony before it is totally annihilated.”

Founded by a secular humanist, warlock atheist in 1952, Professor of Art History at NYU Xavier Magnusdotter (originally from Sweden), the WCAF quickly grew from a small group meeting in covens, pagan nests, and satanic grottos to more than 2 billion people world-wide through the 60s. Today, the organization estimates that nearly half the world’s population is anti-family.

“Yeah, most people I know are against the family these days,” said Lead Wailer and Second Assistant Teeth Gnasher, Todd Burton. “Families are the worst. The moment I said goodbye forever to my mom and my sister and my grandparents I was free. Plus, I’m gay and my parents are divorced, so it’s not like we were a real family anyway, I guess.”

Each annual meeting of the WCAF includes several famous (and infamous) keynote speakers. Last year’s meeting included Vladimir Putin, Robert Mugabe, David Duke, and Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of ISIS. “We like to invite dictators, racists, thugs, violent criminals, and other reprehensible human beings to speak at our conferences,” explained High Priest Breckenmeyer. “All of these terrible people not only came from families they never renounced, but have families of their own, so that should tell you a lot about how awful families are. Plus, we’re against the Good and the True as a general rule.”

“We’ve always known that there are dark forces arrayed against The Family,” said Vice-Chairman of the Board of the World Congress of Families, Wayne Tew. “It’s no coincidence that the World Council Against the Family is holding their meeting at the same time as ours. There are so many wounded souls who hate The Family and wish to see it destroyed forever, or, far worse, wish to see alternative kinds of families take the place of the natural family of a man and woman and children as the fundamental unit of society. We’re on the verge of losing the battle of showing people their families are important and meaningful to them. Clearly we must re-double our efforts.”

In fact, at the time of this writing, the Global Gathering of Alternative Families was set to convene their semi-annual conference in San Francisco, California. Both the WCAF and and WCF have strongly condemned the organization.